What Cancer Taught Me About Life
Ashli Brehm, Cancer Survivor
When I was playing the waiting game with my diagnosis — the first few weeks of blur… blood work, biopsies, urine specimens, medical history, ultrasounds, mammograms — I was out of my damn mind.
I was walking around in a state of disbelief and despair. I was wandering. And wondering. What was to come…
I thought, for the first time really ever, about the after life in a way that it would be personal. I thought about finality of my earthly life. And I was terrified.
Ever since I was a child, I had this picture in my mind of heaven. Of clouds. And blue skies. And my parents and grandparents and every single person I adore. And there would be no pain. No sorrow. No bullshit. No worry.
But when I was 33, possibly on the verge of death, I just couldn’t imagine where I was going if it didn’t have my people there.
And then I got my diagnosis. Stage 2 breast cancer. And I decided I wasn’t dying. I would just be living differently. And instead, I
realized this… I would live heaven on earth as much as life would allow me to.
Treatment was hard. There were weeks where I wondered how I would find earthly bliss. And then, the goodness glimmered through. It shimmered like rays of perfection proving to me that the heaven is found in the simple moments of good. And anytime I felt downtrodden. Any place where I felt like the mountain was too big to move, I was carried. I was carried by friends, family, my husband, my children, my doctors, strangers… prayers, good vibes, positive energy. It. Carried me. Like little bits of God’s grace. Turning into big proof of eternal goodness.
I think, what I’ve realized is that we are meant to live the richest life we can in the short amount of time we have. We are meant to connect. Love. Be vulnerable. Be kind. Be authentic. Find ways to find joy. Live and relish the positive things that come to you. And know what an immeasurable blessing those things are. And the bad parts. The sad parts. The hard parts. The painful parts. Those are only temporary.
It is in the act of true living that we gain life. It is in the act of giving that we get. It is in the small moments that we find the big purpose. And while I have no intention of getting to that after part any day soon, I believe I have more confidence now that when I get to where I am going, it will all be good.
I was walking around in a state of disbelief and despair. I was wandering. And wondering. What was to come…
I thought, for the first time really ever, about the after life in a way that it would be personal. I thought about finality of my earthly life. And I was terrified.
Ever since I was a child, I had this picture in my mind of heaven. Of clouds. And blue skies. And my parents and grandparents and every single person I adore. And there would be no pain. No sorrow. No bullshit. No worry.
But when I was 33, possibly on the verge of death, I just couldn’t imagine where I was going if it didn’t have my people there.
And then I got my diagnosis. Stage 2 breast cancer. And I decided I wasn’t dying. I would just be living differently. And instead, I
realized this… I would live heaven on earth as much as life would allow me to.
Treatment was hard. There were weeks where I wondered how I would find earthly bliss. And then, the goodness glimmered through. It shimmered like rays of perfection proving to me that the heaven is found in the simple moments of good. And anytime I felt downtrodden. Any place where I felt like the mountain was too big to move, I was carried. I was carried by friends, family, my husband, my children, my doctors, strangers… prayers, good vibes, positive energy. It. Carried me. Like little bits of God’s grace. Turning into big proof of eternal goodness.
I think, what I’ve realized is that we are meant to live the richest life we can in the short amount of time we have. We are meant to connect. Love. Be vulnerable. Be kind. Be authentic. Find ways to find joy. Live and relish the positive things that come to you. And know what an immeasurable blessing those things are. And the bad parts. The sad parts. The hard parts. The painful parts. Those are only temporary.
It is in the act of true living that we gain life. It is in the act of giving that we get. It is in the small moments that we find the big purpose. And while I have no intention of getting to that after part any day soon, I believe I have more confidence now that when I get to where I am going, it will all be good.